you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
