she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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