Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have fence marks all over my body
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
