Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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