You really coming over, don't trick.
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Who wears a wallet chain?!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
