I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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