Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
