im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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