suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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