Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
