I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
