Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
