I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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