Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
