I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
