If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize