Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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