i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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