i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
