After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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