I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
