and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
