i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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