Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
