i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
