Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
