All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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