WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
bring money and cleavage
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
