Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
