Pappa wants mamma naked
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize