are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
