Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
