This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Randomize
