a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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