We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize