Someone shit on the floor
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
