Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
did i walk over a car last night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
