So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
