At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
