I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
