she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
