i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize