Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
