didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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