the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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