Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
