I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
