Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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