I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
