Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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