Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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