So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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