I wish my penis had an off switch
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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