so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have feelings that need drinking.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
