Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
