Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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