Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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