My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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