Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
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