Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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