I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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