I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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