So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
