Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
