Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
