highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
