alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
