I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Randomize
