First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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