Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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