so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
