Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
