**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
