I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
