I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
