i think my tv is drunk
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
false alarm, still single
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
