you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
