the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
