I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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