I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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