i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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