My first STD was from a foam party
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
