Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
