If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
