Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
