You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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