whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
as a side note pls kill me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
